Dear Diary,
OMG!! My first day on Zack Island was crazy!!!!! I have a new BFF!!! I don't remember her name, but she is totally amazing. She showed me all over the island today and we went shopping for, like, hours. She's really nice to me AND she's not as pretty as me. Plus, my boobs are way bigger so I think this friendship could really work out. She showed me the accessory shop where I could have purchased an “adorable hat” for 300,000 yen, but I decided to get myself some orange sunglasses since my favorite color is orange!!!! I even got my sunglasses gift wrapped in orange paper and ribbon so it's totally like a gift to myself!! I love this island!!!!Then we went to buy new bathing suits and I ALMOST got this awesome bikini where each side of the bikini top had a handprint on it like someone had just grabbed my boobs. How funny is that?!? But I decided to get a green one with little boy shorts since I'm not a hoebag like the other bitches here. We looked at stuff at this weird store called Zack of All Trades. I could have bought this thing called an Xbox 360, a tea set, or a cabbage? WTF?!? And I was like, omg, get me out of here! This place is gross! And my friend said we should go race our jet skis and I was like, yeah! But then when I got on the jet ski I was like, whoa, I have to drive it myself?!? I don't know if I can drive one of those things! And my friend said, just do it, here's how to drive it and then she showed me this chart for like 2 seconds and then took it away and I was like, hey wait, I didn't get a chance to read it yet, but it was too late. I was already on the jet ski. I was so mad that I tried to run my friend off the track. Then I tried to follow the arrows and go around the race track the way she was, but I just kept swerving all over the place and it was totally embarrassing so I said, eff this I'm going to the beach where I can lay in the sand in my hot bathing suit! I tried to get my jet ski stuck in the sand, but I was disqualified first. WHATEVER!
After the race I wanted to go swimming, but they had another race in mind. Lame! It was a race where we had to hop across the pool on colored blocks and I said, no way! My boobs will totally fall out of my top if I jump and the other girls said, even better! So I tried to jump across the pool on the blocks, but I only made it onto one and then I fell in the pool!!1!!!
Then they made me play volleyball and I was like, enough with the sports puh-leaze! But they said, come on Kokoro. Just play with us. So me and my friend were on one team against this girl with white hair named Christie and her purple-haired sidekick I forgot her name. They were so nasty. Their boobs were gyrating in circles and it was so weird. I've never seen boobs do that before. I think it distracted me from playing volleyball well because I kept missing the ball and my friend got so mad at me. She told me to get it together and I was like, WHATEVER! Have you seen this girl's boobs? And she was like, mine do that, too. Don't yours? And I said no, but then I looked down and my boobs were doing it, too!!! There must be something strange about Zack Island that makes boobs gyrate in perfect undulating circles!!! So we lost. BUT after that I got to tour a bunch of hotels and that was fun. I picked out the Seabreeze hotel because I can watch the fish swim through the glass floor IN MY ROOM!!! Then I lost a ton of money gambling in the casino. But it's ok because I have a ton of money!! Woohooooo!!!
That's all for today, diary. I'm worn out from all that shopping and those stupid races and stuff. Plus I'm exhausted from anger. I tried to get my orange sunglasses so I could wear them and they made me give them away because I gift wrapped them!!! WHATEVER!! So I gave them to that bitchy girl Christie because I thought maybe I could buy her friendship.
I hope I meet some boys tomorrow. I don't understand. It seems like there are only girls with really big boobs here. I wonder who that Zack guy is and how long I'm going to stay on his island because I don't know just how many volleyball matches I can take. At least I can go shopping and every store plays music from the soundtrack of that Sweet Sixteen show on MTV. That's so AWESOME!!! Ok, more tomorrow. Byeeeee!
From Wikipedia: "It is fair to say that the successful gifting of swimsuits is the main point of the game." Also, "the female characters' individual breasts now have their own "physics." This allows each breast to behave differently."
ReplyDeleteSo I watched some play vids on Youtube and yeah, the boobjelly is pretty thick. But it looks like fun, too. But then I glanced at the Wiki on it, and read your post, and laughed so hard the physics of my breasts got sore.
Wow, I inadvertently helped to make someone's breasts sore today. Success.
ReplyDeleteThe pool game is the best part of this game. I swear to God Alex and I sunk (!!!) 40 hours into the pool from the first game.
ReplyDeleteI WANT TO PRATY WITH YOUUUUUUU
ReplyDeleteHas Jess experienced the jiggle setting? I'm going to assume that it's already been cranked up to 99.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first I've heard of the jiggle setting, though I imagine that if it's possible to increase the jiggle, these poor girls will not be able to walk.
ReplyDeleteMy buddy Chris told me last night the boobs were animated by motion-mapping water balloons!
ReplyDeleteAlso--I'll make this my last comment, promise--but why has no one, anywhere, commented on how this vacation boobfest is called "DEAD OR ALIVE EXTREME 2"? I mean, I'm *glad* it is. I just wonder where the titular (heh heh heh) death and extremity is in the game.
ReplyDeleteYou can comment a zillion times a day if you want! I LOVE it! And I was JUST thinking about the name of this stupid game. Who the heck thought of taking the Dead or Alive girls from a fighting game and putting them on an island in practically no clothes and making them play volleyball all day and still keep the name Dead or Alive? Oh, and don't forget, the word is spelled Xtreme and the only thing xtreme in this game is the size of the girl's chests and the fact that their poor stick-bodies would need some xtreme chiropractic work having breasts that large. Oh, and the xtreme poor taste they have in gifts. Yesterday I made friends with Tina in the game by giving her fried chicken wrapped in blue wrapping paper. That's what she required to be my friend. Xtremely weird is what this is.
ReplyDeleteAMG I'm such a dummy I get it now... the DoA girls in a fantasy so XXXTREME the E couldn't keep up!
ReplyDelete