Afterburner Climax for the XBox360: Final Review

I have bad knees, bad hand-eye coordination, and bad depth perception, which made Elementary P.E. really fun for me. I quickly learned, as a kid, to skulk in the far back corner of the recess field orbiting a tether ball around its pole in an effort to look busy. During forced kickball or flag football games I used similar avoidance tactics. Stay alert in order to avoid contact, move around a lot, stand as far outfield as possible where the ball is least likely to come near me. I found that those same tactics (and same embarrassments) also came into play in Afterburner Climax for the Xbox360 on Xbox Live.



Ben knows that my talents do not lie in the areas of sport, arithmetic, or video games, and took it somewhat easy on me this first game by choosing something accessible enough to pick up and immediately start flying, but obscure enough to not wound my pride. He could have picked Nintendogs, after all. At first,I was surprised at his choice. I'd never heard him discuss this game and it had a strange name. What the heck is an Afterburner Climax, anyway? But I dutifully picked up that controller and faced the imminent humiliation, tentative but determined, like the chubby kid I used to be, waiting in line to kick the kickball...poorly....and publicly.

Unlike with kickball, I felt driven to succeed at this game – at least to succeed long enough to write something about it. So I flew. I flew over the game's glimmering gray-blue oceans, through the Sega-blue skies Ben has always spoken of so fondly, and into the actually breathtaking volcanic islands with their fiery-glinted skies, their orange and black smoke billows. It took me three sessions with the game before I could avert my eyes from my jet long enough to enjoy these landscapes, but I improved enough that I could, and it was worth it. After my first 15 minute gaming session, my score was somewhere around 60,000. Three sessions later, my final score in the game was 378,690 and I had completed all stages in both Arcade and Scoring modes (I'm so proud that I was even able to figure out that there were two modes, though I couldn't tell what was different about them. They seriously seemed identical).





What initially upset me the most about playing this game was that I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to tell when my bullets and missiles were actually hitting something. In my first review I spoke of the button-mashing technique that I thought would be the secret to success. By the third session, though, I'd realized that technique was actually ineffective. It was like hurling a basketball at a basket willy-nilly and blind-folded. I could throw all day and not actually make a single basket. Although I was constantly shooting my gun and my missiles, I wasn't actually hitting anything!

So, again, I reverted to my fifth-grade self and used avoidance tactics. By avoidance tactics, I mean I started rolling. I rolled the hell out of that jet (which, to the credit of the graphics, gave me a bit of vertigo!) Miraculously,when I rolled around and around in circles, missiles didn't hit me! I tricked those sucker missiles! And when I was forced through the tiny mountain valleys or that dreadful, impossible tunnel and rolling wouldn't work, I just winced, held my breath and restarted my way through it. Eventually, I learned to get pretty good at avoiding the hurtling objects which ultimately gave me a little time to focus on targeting and shooting.

Although I've never once competed in team sports, I have recently discovered that I enjoy watching them, especially basketball. And what amazes me most about basketball players is their ability to pay attention to the million little movements going on on the court so that they can almost instinctively act and react with perfect timing so that the ball goes where it's supposed to go when it's supposed to go there. I think that ability would be helpful in Afterburner Climax, too. If I could just manage to keep an eye on my armor graph, my climax bar, and my life count while also avoiding the yellow missile streaks, the red bullet streams, the helicopters, planes and jets and those damn mountains and STILL remember to hit that climax button at the right time, then maybe I could get pretty good at this game. As it was, I almost completely forgot to ever hit the climax button and, when I did, it was often by accident when my left pointer finger slipped and hit it...not the first time a girl climaxed because of an accidental, but well-timed finger slip. (Too far? I can't seem to stop myself with the climax double entendre!)



You know how I asked in my first impressions whether or not there were any good planes? Well, I got my answer about halfway through the game when the green-fonted “friendlies” appeared. When the "friendlies" first appeared it brought me back, yet again, to P.E. when I realized that not only would my poor playing affect me with public embarrassment and physical discomfort, but it would affect my teammates hoping for a win. I didn't need this extra pressure, game! It's hard enough to avoid slamming into the ground (seriously...the GROUND) much less worry about killing my friends. However, my greatest sense of accomplishment while playing this game came when I managed to purposefully target an enemy instead of one of my “friendlies”. I got that bad plane in my sights, hit the target missile button twice (I think I need to hit it twice to target and fire, but am not actually certain as I usually just repeatedly mashed that button), and shot down the bad plane instead of the good plane. Success! It was like an expert pass across the court resulting in the game-winning two-point jump shot. I was proud.

A few stages later I saw end credits appear. End credits?? I was reminded of George W. Bush in front of that plane in 2003 pronouncing “Mission Accomplished.” Was I being lied to? Was this a trick? This mission couldn't possibly be accomplished! But, no! I saw the map and I had played through all of the stages! Not only did I beat the game, but I even received two medals, one for “missed with 300 missiles in one game” (whatever that means) and one for “cleared the game.” I unlocked four achievements, too!




I watched that final celebratory video clip with a great feeling of accomplishment as my pretty blue, red, and tan Super Hornet landed on the runway. I chuckled when I heard the last line of the game, “Enjoy some R & R. You've certainly earned it.” Unfortunately, I can do no such thing. I have game number two waiting for me. Seeing as how I just tried counting how many games Ben actually has in his collection and decided to quit counting at 500, I better keep on keeping on. As Afterburner Climax taught me, just keep rolling and shooting and laughing and you might just find yourself at the end credits or scoring those final game-winning points despite yourself.

Game two: God of War 3 for the PS3